My mind has been doing backflips this last week or so. I have had so much on in regards working and everyhting, that i havent been paying enough attention to my feelings for Gemma. Of course i have been expressing emotion to her, but i havent let the feelings develop in me enough to be able to handle all that is going off. I know that might not make sence to you, but it does to me. I dont think i have ever met any one who seems as compatible with me as she does. We like the same stuff, and when she isnt with me i think about her all the time, and miss her like mad. I have fallen in love with her, and unlike other relationships i would do anything she asked of me, whenever she asked it.
So why is it then, that i still think about my ex from time to time? I dont mean fantasize about her or anything like that, i just remember her every so often and it makes me sad. I have no fucking idea why tho, the relationship was doomed, she annoyed the hell out of me, she was clingy, dependant and didnt have her own life – she became part of mine. We used to argue all the time, fall out over everyhting and to be honest i grew to dispise her becasue of the amount of previous sexual partners she admitted she’d had. I dont remember the exact number – but it was HUGE. And ever since that day i couldnt shake that thought from my head.
I guess the problem is that when i got with her, she moved in, and stayed there pretty much every day for a year and a half. Now imagine you get a dog, and he’s around you for a year and a half, but he shits everywhere, and chews your superstars. If he died or ran away after a year and a half, you’d be sad – even though he was a little bastard. I guess thats what im feeling, cos i certinaly dont feel an attraction to her any more.
I just want to move on now, and develop my ties with Gem. I love her very much and cant let her go. I asked myself a question when i was in my last relationship. it was;
“Can you see yourself with her in 5 years time?”
The answer before was a downright NO.
The answer this time, is a definate YES.
Do you people belive in soul mates?