My Past Weblog

Brain Trauma

My mind has been doing backflips this last week or so. I have had so much on in regards working and everyhting, that i havent been paying enough attention to my feelings for Gemma. Of course i have been expressing emotion to her, but i havent let the feelings develop in me enough to be able to handle all that is going off. I know that might not make sence to you, but it does to me. I dont think i have ever met any one who seems as compatible with me as she does. We like the same stuff, and when she isnt with me i think about her all the time, and miss her like mad. I have fallen in love with her, and unlike other relationships i would do anything she asked of me, whenever she asked it.

So why is it then, that i still think about my ex from time to time? I dont mean fantasize about her or anything like that, i just remember her every so often and it makes me sad. I have no fucking idea why tho, the relationship was doomed, she annoyed the hell out of me, she was clingy, dependant and didnt have her own life – she became part of mine. We used to argue all the time, fall out over everyhting and to be honest i grew to dispise her becasue of the amount of previous sexual partners she admitted she’d had. I dont remember the exact number – but it was HUGE. And ever since that day i couldnt shake that thought from my head.

I guess the problem is that when i got with her, she moved in, and stayed there pretty much every day for a year and a half. Now imagine you get a dog, and he’s around you for a year and a half, but he shits everywhere, and chews your superstars. If he died or ran away after a year and a half, you’d be sad – even though he was a little bastard. I guess thats what im feeling, cos i certinaly dont feel an attraction to her any more.

I just want to move on now, and develop my ties with Gem. I love her very much and cant let her go. I asked myself a question when i was in my last relationship. it was;

“Can you see yourself with her in 5 years time?”

The answer before was a downright NO.

The answer this time, is a definate YES.

Do you people belive in soul mates?

7 replies on “Brain Trauma”

I believe in soulmates, although you have to ask yourself a few things..

Have you felt like this for anyone before?

Are you ready for the commitment?

If YES then rock on brother.

As for the EX entering your head, that will happen. Mine comes into my head most days and i remember the bad times and how I have been screwed over.

Just don’t let it distract you from other things incase one day it just goes.

I’m scared shitless of commitment after last time but I have explained it all to her.

My problem is that i have only really had two PROPER relationships..

My last LONG relatiosnhip.. i developed emoptions for her that i never felt beore.. But they took a long while to develop. Its almost like i had to get used to liking her..

With gem, we are so at ease with each other, bath, shower together and have done since the very early days.. And its all gravey.. I feel more for gem than i ever did with my last long term partner..

I used to feel embarresed taking my last partner anywhere..

I want gem to be with me and go everywhere with me..

its a totally different set of emotions.. and yes.. they are all new 🙂

I know how your feeling mate. Its wicked when you realise just HOW GOOD a relationship can actually be. Ive never felt the way I do about her with anyone, and it feels strange (in a good way).

As for the EX thing, it doesnt really bother me much anymore, and you should try not to let it bother you. Try and concentrate on what you have now, and not what you had before as i can guarantee of your feeling like I am, its the best feeling in the world. Maybe.

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