Letting go of someone you love is always hard. And although i have ended this relationship myself, its still really upsetting me. The last thing i ever wanted to do was hurt nic, she is the only girl I’ve ever properly loved, and she is the only long term girlfriend i have ever had. But that doesn’t mean its meant to be forever.
Love is how you feel about someone. And i certainly loved her at one point. But as time drew on, i was having to reassure myself all the time, i was always thinking of ways out, and i was always to scared to admit that i just wasn’t happy. I think more than anything i wanted her to be happy. And i got the impression that unless she was with me, she wouldn’t be. But i cant live like that. – She even had the cheek to say “you only think of yourself, you don’t care how i feel” last night. That couldn’t be MORE wrong! I have done this so that she can find someone to be 100% happy with, have nice house, kids and the things she really wants rather than the things she says she wants.
Sometime in the future, I’m either gonna be glad i did it, or I’m gonna regret it till the day that i die. But i have to find out.
I guess i haven’t really been fair on her, i do bottle things up, but its hard to talk to someone like nic about “why you think you might not want to be with her” – as she would of flipped out and made things 10 times worse. I don’t feel as bad as i did the last time we split, and i think after a few days, ill be a-ok again.
I’m going on my first proper UE trip tonight. Me and G, rick and a guy called absolut of the UE forum i go on are venturing out. Pics up tomorrow!