My Past


Hit a bit of a depressed patch, don’t know why. I just keep questioning everything. I keep asking myself if I’m happy. I keep thinking that I’m not. And the question of whether i want to be in a relationship at all keeps popping into my head.All me and nic have done over the last few days is argue. I woke up this morning, and set my alarm for 8 so i didn’t overlay. She had a go at me because she had already set hers. Wtf?? I came in last night, she had food ready for me, and i wasn’t hungry. So i got moaned at for that. I tried to help her on the internet last night, as she was looking for jobs. I know it can be hard, but if you try and help her, your not actually helping, your “telling her what to do”, so again, i got raised voice and stress levels.

Its times like that, that make me think, what is the fucking point in this? What is the fucking point in carrying on, when something is obviously NOT right. Ok, i love her, and the good times are great, but apart from that, i don’t no what else there is. We argue more and more. Our social lives couldn’t be more different. We are not interested in the same things, yet all this time we have just made do.

It was never a problem at first, as we were together a lot. But as time went on, and the more i wanted to get back to my normal life, as well as have a relationship. The harder it got. For example, i know for a FACT that i wont go to all the shows this year with maxxd, because of one nic related thing or another.

I got asked once if i could see myself with nic for the rest of my life.

My honest answer, is i really don’t no.

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