My Past

Monday Morning Blues

Had quite a bizarre weekend. Spent most of it in bed, not being rude, just sleeping. Lounging about, and watching dvds. We have borrowed my mothers BLockbuster card, and have 6 dvd’s out at the mo. The best is cannibal holocaust. Its a ret weird film about “Amazonia” and about 4 documentary film makers who go to the amazon, in search of natives, and boy oh boy do they find them!

its said that the director of this film “Ruggero Deodato” had to go to court, and actually swear under oath that the apparent “meals” of the cannibal;s were in fact fake. THis film was made in the 70’s, and even by today’s standards its fucking gory! I couldn’t actually tell if it was fake or not. Its crazy! So I’m currently looking for that, and any other film by that director so that i can build up my gore-dvd collection!

One film i WONT be buying, is a film called “The attendant” Its a film about 6 american kids who go camping up on this mountain. Its very badly filmed, bad actors.. shit story.. and its only a hour long.. me and my girlfriend looked at each other when it finished as if to say “what the fuck?” Even at the end where there is out takes from the movie, there are clips of one of the women on her phone, talking to someone saying “get me off this movie, it sucks” and things like “my on screen boyfriend is a jerk, he keeps touching me” and one line that made me chuckle a lot “I’m not even getting paid for this!!” – So a big no-no for “the attendant” its wank.

Like i was saying, apart from going to my mums, and going to get some headache tablets at 7 in the morning, i hardy ventured out the house! Then on sunday afternoon something happened and nic seemed to just get very ratty with me. Even this morning she was nasty to me. – Makes me very depressed. And when i get depressed, i get questions in my head like “are you happy?” “are you with the person you want to be with?” – Now most questions that come into my head are answered straight away, but because nic is the only long term girlfriend i have had, i don’t know if id feel the same as i do now with someone else. The good times are great, and i have a lot of good memories.. But when stuff go’s bad, i get very very angry and it makes me want to be by myself. But like I’ve said, i don’t know if id do that if i was with someone else. I do love nic. But sometimes that’s not enough.

I could just put it down to monday morning blues, or the realization that i actually hate my job, and i want so badly to leave. – I must write my notice tonight. I am waiting for duncan to say “yes” and then i will know that my back is covered for when i leave. Its so depressing coming to work and slaving away for the benefit of others.

Best get back to work then eh!

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