Category: My Past

Ok, so i lost my bank cards didnt i. I last saw one of them the day after i went out last week. The other, fuck knows.. Ive looked for them for 3 days, and this morning i rang up canceled them and ordered some new ones. Now, not having a bank card or a car that works properly means i havent been able to draw any of my money out. Which has meant ive not been able to buy.. Anything! And thats actually meant me eating very little for 3 days. I was starving – and i mean STARVING by the time i got home from work tonight.

Lucky for me my wonderful father picked me up, and took me for a steak. Then as id told him id lost my cards, he proceeded to give me £30 to keep me going. I love my dad hes great. Ill give him the cash back like, much to his shock id imagine 🙂

And ontop of a steak, me and scott went to asda and i bought a pizza, which i nearly ate all of. I feel so fat now. I could be sick…. *ralf*

Ive kinda been negleting my resoncibilities recently. Especially this week. I put it down to me feeling kinda depressed at the mo – a subject i dont want to bore myself, or anyone reading this – of any more. Ive also been very busy, so its hard to do too much and still find time to sit back and chill.

I gave blood today, something i think everybody should do. You’d all want blood if you were in a car crash or something. So dont be gay and scared of needles that dont even hurt. Get signed up or something!

www.blood.co.uk

I haddnt realised it but i have slowely been letting things mount up making me quite depressed. Work is getting me down, and a few other personal things included mean’s one depressed oliver! The only thing that seems to take my mind off it is the time i spend with H.

I decided to treat myself to a bit of e-retail therapy. I constantly scoure ebay for stuff, more specifically – Camo adidas stuff! And i found something i bought STRAIGHT away! Buy it now rules!

Why i dont own one of these already ill never know. I dont even know if its genuine adidas. I do know it says adidas on it, it has camo on it and it cost me $27.34 DELIVERED from the states… thats £14.78! Now thats an ebay bargain!

There are two pairs of trainers, and another top that i want and then thats me done for a bit. Its mad how spending money cheers me up, ill be even happier when my stuff lands on my doorstep woo!! 🙂

And i have decided that as long as i can get more security shifts, im definatly handing my notice in on friday. I will give them 3 months notice so they can find someone, and i can show them what to do etc. I havent told my parents yet, i dont know how they react. They both know i wanted to leave but were just egging me on to stop to ensure a regular wage. But work is such a big part of my life at the moment, and i just dont have the time or interest that the person doing my job should have.

Anyway, i have to be at work at 8, after id been there today from 9:00am-9:30.pm… Bloody pedigree dog food marquee!

Yes, ive had another one of those conversations with my boss. I think craig has mentioned that im unhappy, and he got me in his office to as me what was up. I ended up telling him everything, how im unhappy in general at the moment and that the job im doing isnt helping at all. As long as i dont leave them in the shit and give a good notice period he is fine about me leaving. He understands that people have dreams and he realises that no one is gonna stay in the same place forever! But at the same time he has asked that i spend 100% of the itme when im here on WORK work, and not personal stuff. I have no issue with this.

So i think ill hand my notice in at the end of the week. Matty posted this cool site with letters of resignation already made up but i dont want to offend my boss, or burn the bridge between me and work. You never know i might need a job one day and this place mgiht be the only joint hiring!

I dont want to start another job, i think im gonna ask for a few more security shifts – and then devote the rest of my time to the things me and dave are doing. As weve started looking into something this week that is hopefully going to be a very sucessful service we offer to people. It just requires a lot of attention from us both.

Im slowley sorting our hosting clients out too. Its taking forever as its one of those really tedious jobs that annoy me. Ill get it done this week im sure. Then we can find out how much were gonna actually have to shell out to fund this server this year.

My memory has suffored a turn for the worse. I have been very very forgetfull today and have been getting wound up very easily. I have for example been going downstairs to fetch something, end up doing something totally different, comin back upstairs to remember what i originally went downstairs for, going downstairs again and forgetting once more. Yes, really that bad..

I only have myself to blame, the constant abuse of weed is blatently surpressing my memory and making it fuck up. I wonder what i would be capable of if i didnt smoke weed? I wonder if al the little annoyances i have with myself would vanish? Its an issue im gonna have to definatly address soon as sooner or later im gonna go past a point of no return and regret it.

Same old story tho, lack of willpower and motivation. Its only really started playing on my mind when i it was brought to my attention that the slight circulation problems i think i have are probably down to the fact my arteries are clogged up to fuck. It makes me sick to think about it, but yet i still sit here smoking.

I hate myself sometimes..