Author: Olly

Letting go of someone you love is always hard. And although i have ended this relationship myself, its still really upsetting me. The last thing i ever wanted to do was hurt nic, she is the only girl I’ve ever properly loved, and she is the only long term girlfriend i have ever had. But that doesn’t mean its meant to be forever.

Love is how you feel about someone. And i certainly loved her at one point. But as time drew on, i was having to reassure myself all the time, i was always thinking of ways out, and i was always to scared to admit that i just wasn’t happy. I think more than anything i wanted her to be happy. And i got the impression that unless she was with me, she wouldn’t be. But i cant live like that. – She even had the cheek to say “you only think of yourself, you don’t care how i feel” last night. That couldn’t be MORE wrong! I have done this so that she can find someone to be 100% happy with, have nice house, kids and the things she really wants rather than the things she says she wants.

Sometime in the future, I’m either gonna be glad i did it, or I’m gonna regret it till the day that i die. But i have to find out.

I guess i haven’t really been fair on her, i do bottle things up, but its hard to talk to someone like nic about “why you think you might not want to be with her” – as she would of flipped out and made things 10 times worse. I don’t feel as bad as i did the last time we split, and i think after a few days, ill be a-ok again.

I’m going on my first proper UE trip tonight. Me and G, rick and a guy called absolut of the UE forum i go on are venturing out. Pics up tomorrow!

I have finally aired my true thoughts to nicola. As much as i love her and care for her, we argue too much, and i just feel something isn’t right. So, i have ended it. Sooner rather than later. I feel really shit right now, and i imagine she feels the same. But i cant go back on my word, and i cant forget the reasons i had for doing it. They all appear so cloudy right now, but like last time as soon as i go back on my word i will know it was the wrong thing to do. I know she will hate me deep down, but one day she will thank me for it.

Valentines day. My work colleague came up to me and sort of shook his head at the fact i have made my girlfriend a valentines day card. Why? What’s wrong with that? Is it because i haven’t lined the pockets of some rich card maker? Is it because valentines day to some people is a competition? “lets see how big a card i can buy for my girlfriend” and rose petals on the bed and all that shit…

Djb31st showed me something yesterday, the is probably gonna stay with me for the rest of my life. Mystickies. Its a groovy little plugin for firefox, that once signed up, allows you to leave post-it notes ALL over the internet!!! I have one on here now, telling me to remember to take card and flags home with me haha its truly a fantastic idea, and when you leave the page, then come back to it, there they are!! – I couldn’t survive without posit’s and now i have them IN my screen, as well as around them! Fantastic!

And finally, i have been constructively using some of works time to make VCD’s 🙂 I have burned saw2, and am gonna do the FOG when it finishes. I’m also downloading 4.4gig’s worth of “Prison Break” Man its a good program! 🙂

Weekend? Pfft.. I had to get up very early on saturday, as kev (step-dad) was coming round to help me fix my clio. Well, i say help me, i he fixed it and i just held the torch and tools. He was a total life saver, cos as soon as he was done, i went and had to go to work.

I was working on a building site in notts. Its a new site, so there was no TV, no radio, no microwave – Only a seat, a table, a heater and a kettle. Great. 18 hours later i got to leave, and went home to bed. – We are at my mum’s though so its not that bad. At least there is a working sink in the bathrooms and carpets on the floors!

Work has been pretty shit today, every minute of everyday just about feels wasted. And the amount of outside work i get thrown at me is increasing by the day. I just hope i can sort something soon, cos i can see this all getting too much.