Category: My Past

People say that keeping secrets is bad, and that some secrets depending on the type, can affect you as a person. And that statement couldn’t be truer! FOr ages i have longed to end my job at MMX3, and move onto things that allow me to do work of my own.

And this is still the path that i one day want to take. But after having a very truthful meeting with my boss mark, i think im gonna stick with MMX3 for the foreseeable future, and hopefully move up to a more managerial role, which in turn will help me when i come to run a business of my own one day.

I never thought talking to my boss about my future, telling him that i get distracted and that my job gets affected because of the amount of things on my mind. And he was totally sound with it. I guess i am in a similar position to what he was in many years ago. He said he worked at the pit, and was earning good money, but it wasn’t testing him enough. And this is exactly the same for me right now.

Mark has assured me that things here at MMX3 will change over the next few months. I have an idea of what might be changing, and i have a feeling that the changes will be DRASTIC! Since day one here i have wondered why MMX3 don’t do other promotional products, such as banners and flags? As we have all the equipment, but i was always told it wasn’t profitable. Well i think that is the sort of direction mark wants to go in, and he wants me to stick around for when it does.

Meetings like that give me a great feeling of satisfaction. I got a massive weight off my shoulders, as now my boss knows exactly what i wanna do with my life, he knows i don’t want to be here forever, and i bet he’d even help me start a shop or whatever. And its good to hear someone comment on my work, telling me that i am doing fine, and that he couldn’t ask for more right now.

As for security, i think im gonna get mt licence, and then sit on it for a bit. lf times are hard when i move out i can always get a weekend shift. And if times aint hard in the not to distant future, i could even have a crack at starting a little security related company?

WHo know. All i know is that im a lot happier today than i have been for a long time.

THe foreseeable futures bright, the foreseeable future is marquee shaped!

I suppose yesterday i overreacted a bit. I was very mad though, and me cutting down on marijuana means that i am a bit ratty now and then. But i got home and we resolved our differences. Then i took nic out and let her drive my car round a industrial estate. It was fun, but very stressful. I once thought i could be a driving instructor. How very wrong i was ha ha!

I am trialing “Morpheus” p2p software, and not just because i watched the matrix last night. I’m trialing it because i have never used it, and i thought id give it a shot. Ill let you know if its any good 🙂

Had quite a bizarre weekend. Spent most of it in bed, not being rude, just sleeping. Lounging about, and watching dvds. We have borrowed my mothers BLockbuster card, and have 6 dvd’s out at the mo. The best is cannibal holocaust. Its a ret weird film about “Amazonia” and about 4 documentary film makers who go to the amazon, in search of natives, and boy oh boy do they find them!

its said that the director of this film “Ruggero Deodato” had to go to court, and actually swear under oath that the apparent “meals” of the cannibal;s were in fact fake. THis film was made in the 70’s, and even by today’s standards its fucking gory! I couldn’t actually tell if it was fake or not. Its crazy! So I’m currently looking for that, and any other film by that director so that i can build up my gore-dvd collection!

One film i WONT be buying, is a film called “The attendant” Its a film about 6 american kids who go camping up on this mountain. Its very badly filmed, bad actors.. shit story.. and its only a hour long.. me and my girlfriend looked at each other when it finished as if to say “what the fuck?” Even at the end where there is out takes from the movie, there are clips of one of the women on her phone, talking to someone saying “get me off this movie, it sucks” and things like “my on screen boyfriend is a jerk, he keeps touching me” and one line that made me chuckle a lot “I’m not even getting paid for this!!” – So a big no-no for “the attendant” its wank.

Like i was saying, apart from going to my mums, and going to get some headache tablets at 7 in the morning, i hardy ventured out the house! Then on sunday afternoon something happened and nic seemed to just get very ratty with me. Even this morning she was nasty to me. – Makes me very depressed. And when i get depressed, i get questions in my head like “are you happy?” “are you with the person you want to be with?” – Now most questions that come into my head are answered straight away, but because nic is the only long term girlfriend i have had, i don’t know if id feel the same as i do now with someone else. The good times are great, and i have a lot of good memories.. But when stuff go’s bad, i get very very angry and it makes me want to be by myself. But like I’ve said, i don’t know if id do that if i was with someone else. I do love nic. But sometimes that’s not enough.

I could just put it down to monday morning blues, or the realization that i actually hate my job, and i want so badly to leave. – I must write my notice tonight. I am waiting for duncan to say “yes” and then i will know that my back is covered for when i leave. Its so depressing coming to work and slaving away for the benefit of others.

Best get back to work then eh!

Well, i suppose you could say i failed. But i never said i was gonna quit. I just said i was gonna cut down. Well, “not have any for a bit” were my exact words. But i suppose i meant to say “i will cut down”. haha.

I got home today, had my tea, filled out all the forms i had to finish, sorted all my postage out for tomorrow, chilled out then took nic to work. On my way home, so about half 8, i got a bit of weed.

Usually i would of had 2 or 3 joints by then already. Its 23:55 as i type this, and ive only had 3 up to now!

In 27 minutes (its now 00:22) i have written nearly an entire song, that has been bubbling around in my head. Its a rap about a guy who rings his mate, and one thing leads to another.. Its pretty good.. It obviously needs going through as some of the words don’t exist haha, but i guess its like a “The Streets” type Talkin’ to ya mate type track.

I think i know where im gonna take a sample for a little bit of music for it from too. I was watching a really badly converted kung foo film. You’ve got main character dude, and he’s blatantly the most chinese dude you’ve ever seen, with a brummy accent. Hahahaha, its brilliant! Anyway, one scene has this really cool breakbeat-wanna-be type music goin’ off, and as soon as it came on it clicked and i knew i would use it somewhere!

I should really go because im slouching as im perched on the edge of my bed (its a low one) and i have the lappy on my knee. Ouuch! Me back!

Sionara. 🙂