Category: Weblog

Well since trax ive had this girl in my head, although i should be distancing myself from her really. She has a boyfriend you see, of about 3 or 4 months and – well.. lets just say things went a bit further than they should of done whilst we were together this weekend. I have been liasing with her since trax, text messages flying back and forth.. And last night she kinda got busted. Her boyfriend found a message i had sent her, deleted it then confronted her with it last night. Its wierd, its as if shes with him for the sake of it. She laughed at the fact he was crying a lot of last night, and says she doesnt love him.

What should I do?

I would fucking break down and die if it happened to me. But, its not like they are married or anything. Ive never cheated on anyone, and she says shes never done anything like this before either. But i just cant get her cheeky smile or fucking sexy body out of my mind. I just hope that the content of her text messages comes from her heart, and not from her head. She wants to do some modelling you see, and some shallow women – i suppose – could use a situation like this to get their foot in the door. Or theres the paranoid view of “She only likes me cos im olstar@maxxd.com” which is something i consider everytime im in this situation.. I would hate for someone to be with me jsut becasue of my position on some website… Im so unconfident in my appearance and what women are gonna think of me.. I see myself as a big fat hairy ugly bastard.. And for someone like her – who could probably go out and get any guy she wanted – to like ME.. I just dont get it..
I have held back form textin her, as i dont want to land her in shit again, but she text me earlier.. its not like shes forgotten about me yet which is a good thing. I want to tell her to leave her boyfriend.. I want her bad!

Oh fuck im so confused right now…

im on the edge of my seat too.. Waiting for a text off wardo.. If he says his insurance isnt gonna be too bad! ITS PARTY TIME!! Me and my mum are going up to the house again tonight.. I think ill probably end up moving in, even if wardo does back out.. I cant see him doing that tho! Rock on bro!

I have told daz too, i said id been to look at a house and that i could be out within a month. I hope his financial situation is ok cos its probably gonna be sooner than that me old fruit pastel! Ill probably visit him a few weeks after i move out and i doubt the house or he will of changed much. I swear that house is cursed! The Stuck in Limbo house!!

So in conclustion.. Im happy, but confused.. excited and nervous.. and i still feel totally blown away by that girl!

EDIT – And, i havent spent any money on weed so far this week (its only been one day you big dummy!) so far so good! Maybe these two massive changes in my life could lead on to me becoming more active, and get fitter etc… Which is something ive wanted to do for ages.. Oh fuck.. i just remembered.. That girl said she could breakdance..

How much is one of them vegas weddings? 😆

Well, me and wardo went to look at that house today. And its great. Its not 3 floors like i was told, but its brand new, has 2 decent sized bedrooms, a bathroom, a downstairs toilet, a living room, and a fully fitted kitchen. There is even a dishwasher!

Wardo has said hes got to check his car insurance doesnt go up too much, if it doesnt, then its all systems go! Were both in the same position in the sence we both want to get out of where we are, and life is about taking risks – and were both up for the risks involved in renting a property.

I hope his insurance doesnt go up too much. I want to move now!!

Ive had a phone call from that girl again. Shes in a situation herself that isnt straight forward, and she rang me to tell me that it didnt look good – not for me like, for her current situation. Its actually a good thing for me – allbeit a bit of a strnage thing to be getting myself into. Id explain more, but for the moment ill leave it at that.

Its mad, for weeks ive been really low, really depressed, and just miserable. Then like a flash of light 2 major things happen that seem to be transforming my very life right in front of my eyes. Call it karma coming back round, or call it good luck.. Who cares.. I jsut know it fucking rules 🙂 And i can see that my not to distant future is going to be a lot brighter than i thought it would be.

Ive never felt like this before. This must be what people feel like when they meet someone whos married or something. I feel like ive done something wrong, and i certianly wouldnt like it doing to me – but i cant stop thinking about her. I hope the things she says to me she means, becasue i mean every word. I just cant get over how amazing she is, and how amazing she made my weekend. Thanks babe!

Me and wardo are going to look at a house tongiht. 2 Bedrooms, 3 floors, 2 bathrooms (appareently) back garden with grass on it, newly built, drive and garage or car port.. basically its a palace compared to where im living now. Its owned by a mate of my mums, and we wouldnt have to pay a bond. We could move in next weekend if we wanted to!

I can see the next chapter of my life being so much better than the last few. Mint house, Mint people around me.. And a life away from repetative stoner-ness. I love being a stoner, and smoking.. But i hate the fact it costs me a shit load.

Heres to the future!

Went to trax this weekend, ill fill in the juicy details when im bored at work tomora. But all ill say (and this probably will be the most detail i go into for this specific subject, for various reasons) is that i have met one of the most amazing women i have ever met, ever. If i was to draw a perfect partner, then bar maybe one thing, it would be her. There are a few complications, and i doubt anything major will happen (even though id like it to so much) but its changed me in so many ways. And its kinda opened my eyes a bit. I get so hung up on stuff, on people and on situations i find myself in. Then in one night everything can change. Totally. Isnt it strange how life can throw you a random hand like that. Nothing is scripted, structured. Shit just happens. And i fucking love it 🙂