Trust, faith and understanding.

For many years, ive had a serious trust issue with everyone. Im not being funny to any of my family or friends, but i just dont trust (m)any of them.

I have been bitten too many times by back stabbers, and people who to my face speak to me like they are my best mate, yet behind closed doors they take the piss and bad mouth me. They dont admit it, and i never confront them about it – becasue it will make me out to be petty and childish – like many of said people are.

Its like when someone comes up to you and brags about what they are getting, or what they are gonna do. I have heard so many people make so many claims and halrdly any of them acheive these claims. Its fucking annoying.

It reigns true in the business too, so many people make so many promises and claims (even my business partner) – yet so little of them actually do what they said they would (or could) do. Why do people feel the need to talk complete shit? Lie and make stuff up to make them out to be better than other people?

At the end of the day not only does it get dark, we’re also all exactly the same. Ok, some of us have more money than others, some of us have issues and some of us lie, cheat and steal. But deep down we are all humans, we all have the same rights as the next person.

A homeless man on the streets should have the same rights and voice as the richest man in england. And its the same in my life too, everyone i deal with or speak to will from now on be judged in exactly the same way as the next person.

I appologise to anyone i have treated badly, im sorry to all the people i have been a cunt with over the years (yes that means you too sarahb) and ill try and not only make every desision i make in every aspect of my life fair, but everyone i meet or liase with will be spoken to with the same level of respect as the next person.

Unless of course they give me good reason not too – like the rich stuck up mother fucker that i work near – if he speaks pleasantly to me one day then maybe ill forgive him too.

Life is too short to bicker, its too short to make enemies.

Me and gem had a disagreement last night, but again that stems from me being quite unstable and emotional right now. We spoke about it, and a few tears were shed. But we are on top of things now. She is the most important person in my life, and im not willing to let a stupid thing like that get in the way of the most magical relationship i have ever been lucky enough to be a part of.

I love you gemma, sorry for being a fucking fuckhead.